Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Years Eve!!!! Yay 2008!

I'm Gonna Make A Change,

For Once In My Life

It's Gonna Feel Real Good,

Gonna Make A Difference

Gonna Make It Right . . .

I'm Starting With The Man InThe Mirror

I'm Asking Him To ChangeHis Ways

And No Message Could HaveBeen Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place

Take A Look At Yourself, AndThen Make A Change

Michael Jackson- Man in the Mirror

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Enjoy ALL of my random moments…and not look for anyone else to complete me

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Probably not. I actually stopped making them for the simple fact that I don’t think about them after about a week….or less.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yep….2 of my cousins gave birth this year. Yay Leshia and Brent!!!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yep. My Uncle Richard….RIP dude

5. What countries did you visit?

None…I was soooooooooo Ga centered this year!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A real relationship. I’m at the point now where I want to just chill out with someone who’s consistently there, and wants to be around me as much, or more than I want to be around them. I want to actually like a whole person, and not just bits and pieces of anyone that is not him. Selah

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?No specific date that I can recall….Nicka’s bday was bunches and bunches of fun though!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Making it out with my sanity still in tact. Screw you pal…that’s a major accomplishment…ask Katt Williams.
…..and winning almost EVERY TIME!!! I ROCK!!!

9. What was your biggest failure?Staying in comfortability even when it wasn’t always good for me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nope….didn’t really get sick at all this year! YAY me! I’m awesome!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Probably my work shoes….they’re so old fashioned, yet they’re VERY comfortable….I love them!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Probably Nicka’s and Jen’s…their always GREAT.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one’s really. I may have been unhappy with a few peoples choices, but I am CLEARLY not gonna let them depress me…it’s SOOOO not that serious!

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills and Food…and an occasional drink ;-)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My Birthday. I always enjoy my birthday to the fullest.
HOMECOMING!!! Valdosta State’s Homecoming was SOOOO much fun! No other comments needed ;-)
Morehouse and Spelman’s homecoming always gives me life!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Every good album that came out this year!!! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…2008 WAS THE BEST MUSICAL YEAR EVER! Everybody dropped FIRE this year!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

- i. happier or sadder? MUCH Happier

- ii. thinner or fatter? Ha! Fatter…no comment!

- iii. richer or poorer? Pretty much the same….I’m hoping for an EXTREME financial boost in 2009!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Saved money, and maybe actually dated more….not screwed…dated.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Probably smoking, but I’ve kicked that habit though. Actually it wasn't really a habit, just something to do because I was bored....and of course at parties and such. Now that I think about it...I never really liked them. Oh wait...I told Nicka that a long time ago. Goodbye Djarum Black!

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Nope….I lived in love in 2008…lol

21. How many one-night stands?

None YAY ME!!!!

22. What was your favorite TV program?

CHARMED!!!! Can anyone help me find the episode where Pru dies???....and the one after.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope…I don’t waste my time hating. Its just NOT that damn serious!
24. What was the best book you read?

The Color Purple….I’ve read it countless times, but it never ceases to amaze me.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

BACKGROUND….everything about background…the vocalz, the music, the arrangements, the instruments…all that.

26. What did you want and get?

Good dick

27. What did you want and not get?

A bust-it baby! LMAO!

28. What were your favorite films of this year?

SEX AND THE CITY!!!! *faints*

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 26, and I had a whole weeks worth of fun with my real friends! I love them!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Probably a REAL relationship, but 2008 was all in all a really good year. I’ll put it like this….at least it wasn’t a 2006!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Just Me!...nothing given nothing taken!

32. Who kept you sane?

DEFINITELY Nicka, Jen, DJ, and doubt about it! I love you guys! You ROCK!!! lol!

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Beyonce….she’s great…stop hatin. Sorry

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The 2008 Primaries! Yay Barack Obama!

35. Whom did you miss?

My Uncle Jesse

36. Who was the best new person(s) you met?

Samone….didn’t actually meet her this year, but I got close to her, and she’s the greatest!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:

Make every moment count. Tell everyone you love that you love them because tomorrow’s really not promised.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:


Goodbye 2008!
HELLO 2009!!!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

I'm Starting With the Man LOOKING at the Man in the Mirror....

A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other OnThe Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got NowhereTo Go
That's Why I Want You ToKnow
I'm Starting With The Man InThe Mirror
I'm Asking Him To ChangeHis Ways
And No Message Could HaveBeen Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The WorldA Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself,
AndThen Make A Change
-Michael Jackson: Man in the Mirror

Let me start this blog by saying that Brandy was PHENOMENAL!!!! I sincerely enjoyed the whole set...even Slim who I absolutely did not want to see!

Now on to real matters...
I often analyze myself....just to make sure that I'm still a good person, and that I'm someone who I'd like to hang around. So I was kind of shaken when this dude told me last week, upon me telling him that he doesn't have to lie, that I was mad because he "don't really have to do anything, and the only reason you don't like my answer is because you don't have to either. Please don't take that the wrong way". Ummm...what other way are you supposed to take that? I got to analyzing immediately. I searched and searched myself to see if the only reason I do things for people is because I want something back. It took me almost a week to FINALLY come to the conclusion that I'd been trying to reach since I texted him back. Lots of times people do things for others, that they sometimes don't want to do, because they care about them. *lightbulb* It's just that simple. When you care about someone you sometimes make decisions just so that the people that they care about are a little happier. It can be as small as making an egg sandwich*hmph ;)* or as large as going out of your way to attend something that the person is having....whether you really want to be there or not. That seems to be common courtesy within my circle. Caring for someone is not simply a means to an end. You don't care about a person just so they'll care about you...that impossible. If they don't care...they just dont' care. That's the real answer.

Just my thoughts on today.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Breathe....Just Breathe....I CAN'T!!!!

I'll just start this blog of by screaming to EVERYONE.....I'M GOING TO THE BRANDY CONCERT TONIGHT!!!!
I can't breathe....I can't breathe.....I can't breathe!!!!
I just can't believe it! My cuzzin got me tickets to see BRANDY in a private concert! I don't have words for this moment. 2008 has been the best!!!! OMG!!! I have had some majorly bad moments, but all in all I'M GOOD! I just can't believe it!

I will come back tomorrow with FULL commentary!

I bid you farewell *faints*

Monday, December 15, 2008


These flaws I got They're a part of who I am
Take me or not But I finally understand
And I’m so done trying to be everything you want
I had to stop 'Cause baby you ain’t worth it
If I've got to camouflage
For love, for love
-Brandy (Human-Camouflage 2008)
It's so funny to me how people really do affect what you say and do. Even if you just think about it momentarily, you've been effected. I am amazed at how this blog, which was first meant to be an outlet for my many many many thoughts, has become my new bondage. I feel like I can't really be honest about what I feel here, because people will still read it, and eventually comment about what I've said. Clearly if I wanted your verbal commentary I wouldn't have wasted my time, and my 50+ wpm to write it. This is my place. My outlet. Yes I am very blunt...when asked, and unemotional about a lot of things but sometimes I need to just let shit out too. That doesn't change my perspective on anything, it just makes me pause to make sure that I gave advise in the right way. I am a woman. We do get emotional, we do have bad days, we do love hard, we do get hurt(more often than not actually), and we do keep it pushing. Basically if you are coming here just to see if I'm going to say something about you then please feel free to not come here ever again. If you are coming here so that you're able to throw this shit up in my face later, then PLEASE feel free to permanently remove my blog address from you memory. I wanna say what I have to say. Sometimes I don't want to be grammatically correct, and sometimes I DO wanna talk about the fact that have loved a bullshit ass nigga, yes I said it BULLSHIT ASS NIGGA, and I can because it's my blog. If you know me personally treat this as if this really is someone you've never met, comment in the box, and we'll keep it pushing from there. This is my outlet, and I don't want to be confined here. There is absolutely no point in that.
Now that I've gotten that off of my chest.....
It's weird how people do honestly expect people to give/show love in the same way that they do. I know I'm guilty of it, and most people I know are guilty of it. However, there are just some things you do because its just common fuckin courtesy. If we are cool and I ask you to do something and you say no, then cool, but PULEEZE don't give me a bullshit ass reason that you didn't and then be rude to me if I call you on it. It's bullshit!!! Trying to turn it around on me won't make it not be bullshit. I take responsibility for my stupid decisions, and will let you have the fact that I make stupid decisions OFTEN in different parts of my life. I'm just saying what's the point of a friendship if I can only rely on you when I'm crying? That's just dumb. Shit...I want a friend when I'm happy too! I want a friend that celebrates me. I want a friend who I don't have to ALWAYS assume the worst about. I want to know that you do honestly care about me. I want a friend who won't make me feel like less of a person. I want a friend who actually HAS friends, and not just homeboys, homegirls, and folk!!! What the fuck is that? Could it be that yoy don't have friends because you don't know how to be friends. It's easy....just be NICE! I won't change me. I'm a pretty good person, flawed...yes, but pretty good. It's just in me to give to people. Give of myself, of my time, of my heart, of my talents, and of my money when I got it like that. I will not camouflage me. But I guess this just goes to show that I am your friend, but you CLEEEAAARLY are not mine. Cool....get some and keep it pushin.
Okay I'm better now.
This ain't a deep blog, but it is how I was feeling.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Just Fall....well....Maybe 8-/

It's not easy giving up trust
And not be scared a little bit?
Then your heart is questioning if you could really handle it
Don't wanna fall alone
So, will you catch me?
Save me?
And tell me I'll be safe right here
And if are you the one that's scared
So, baby come and fall right here
Just fall
-Brandy (Human:Fall)
What happens when your present reality is not real at all? What happens if what you taste, see, touch, FEEL is not real at all??? What happens then? Is it fair to tell someone that something that is SOOOO good to them is really bad? I don't think so.....but I just don't know.
Someone told me a story once about a girl who was completely in a relationship with this guy. He was everything that she wanted and needed. He was always there for her, and came whenever she called. Then....she found out that he had a GIRLFRIEND....*faints*....but mostly because him and they other girl had been together for so long. You see, from all points of her(as well as some of her friends) he love her. He really did love her. So she decided to stay. Who are we to condemn her for making a decision that works for her. If he is everything that she needs then who's to say that her reality is not really real? Again, if you can touch it, taste it, smell it, feel it, and CALL it(and it answers) then that's real for her.....right?
I had one of those not reality real moments this week. I got to spend some time with this guy that I kinda like. It's nothing major, but he's a cool dude. Because this was my birthday week I was in a pretty good mood, right until I went to work and they told me that I had to re-apply for my fucking job....but selah. So went to see my friend, just to spend some time. Normally we laugh, and joke, and watch TV, or drink or just do some ole random shit. This time we just layed. I wasn't in the best mood, I mean I did get partially fired, so I just played my NEW BRANDY CD for him. Sidenote: BRANDY IS A-FREAKIN-MAZING!!!! Back to the subject. So he's a pretty touchy-feely kind of a guy and that's part of what I like about him. Because I've known this guy for a little minute, even before we started kickin it, he automatically knew something was wrong with me. He pushed and pushed and pushed for answers but I didn't really feel like talking about it. So he told me to give him a hug. Now because I was laying on the sofa I just kinda half heartedly reached my arms out. He then came across the sofa and gently laid his head in the area between my breast and my neck, wrapped his arms around my body, and began to tell me that everything would be okay. I mean this was a VERY TV moment. As we laid there entangled together I began to breathe him in. This moment was so amazing. No distractions, no TV, no word needed, no thoughts of anyone else, just us. BUT....because I am who I am I couldn't fully take this in. The moment was everything I've ever wanted. This moment was the moment I see in my head when I think about my bf/ intimate moment just for us. But in that I just couldn't get my mind to just be still and fully enjoy it. Because I always feel a need to protect myself I kept reminding myself that this person doesn't belong to me, that this moment is only gonna last for a minute and may never happen again...because he's not mine. So as I laid there, loving and hating the moment, I decided to just let it all go. At that moment that situation was my reality. What I felt was real, what I touched was real, what I smelled was was a real moment....and I gave in to it. I laid there and held that man, and he held me. I kissed him like we would be together forever. I let him breathe me in, and enjoy the comfort of my arms. I was happy in that reality...

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Random musings of a Strawberry Lifesavers...

The suspense is building.
I'm on the edge of my seat now.
What's the surprise?
What's the surprise?
What's the surprise?
-Brandy (Human 2008)

I feel like being real random today. I feel like I should share some of my weirdness with you.

I'm not sure if you're a Brandy fan or not, but this is a BIG fucking deal!!! Pretty good day too!

Why is it sooooo cold outside. I mean, wearing layers and layers of clothes JUST to not die while you are outside for 5 minutes. Then you get inside and you burn up. On top of the fact that on the ONE day that you don't wear so many layers its also cold INSIDE. Can somebody fly me to Hawaii for the winter??? Grrrr....

December 9th!....and I don't have a damn thing planned. Sooooo unlike me and the peoples not be unprepared for a bday. Maybe I will have some ole random outta the blue type fun....or not because that alwasy leads to trouble, but I kinda like it ;-)

So many good artist dropped FIRE this year. Lets recap shall we....even though I'm sure I'll forget someone:

BEYONCE: this was wonderful to me because you actually got to hear her SING, and I'm sure that the tour will be BANANAS!!! I have no doubt. Hate on the girl if you want, but it ain't many people that can TOUCH her in vocalz, entertainment value, and yes even artistry(even though she steals)

JASMINE SULLIVAN: the AMAZINGNESS that I thought that this cd would be was sadly not even close to what it actually was. I think someone is trying to END her career. The song choices SUCKED, the backs couldn't even TOUCH the backs on the leaked tracks, the lyrics left sooooo much to be desired, and to top it all of 6 OR MORE OF THE 12 TRACKS had BEEEEEEN out. The only reason this cd did ANYTHING at all for me was because she STILL has an amazing voice. Despite someones best efforts to ruin her you can still hear the absolute wonderful voice that lies beneath the garbage. I am sooooo happy that she was pretty well received by the masses, which means that MAYBE she'll do a better job on the next project.

JOE- *sighs because she can't speak* I have ALWAYS been a fan of Joe. "No One Else Comes Close" used to get me EVERY time. Joe's cd is complete and total FIRE from beginning to end. Joe left NOTHING to be desired, except for the wish that his management would promote the damn album. He has AMAZING lyrics, vocalz, backs, music......EVERYTHING!!! He sincerely brought ALL of his A game on this words.

KERI HILSON: I'm not even sure if her cd is actually out or not, but I will say that this AMAZING writer is killing so many people with her voice right now. You VERY RARELY find someone with market appeal that can ACTUALLY sing. I mean look at who they're promoting these days: Rhianna, and this bitch couldn't sing if someone sang for's ridiculous. However, Ms. Hilson is a wonderful writer with an amazing voice, and heartwrenching lyrics. This baby has been through something, and she's singing herself through. I'm a fan....

CHRIS BROWN: *bows to the NEW King of.....everything musical* This lil baby has shut the game DOWN!!!!! He has come in the game and MURDERED the careers of Usher, Mario, Joe, R. Kelly.....everybody. The only person that can even stand in his presence is Ne-yo and that's because Ne-yo is doing his own thing, plus he writes for EVERYBODY. Lil Chris Breezy IS that killer talent. He can sing, dance, and write. He's cute, SEXY, passionate, and still humble in the midst of all of that. He has killed em....all of em! If you don't wanna believe me, or if you don't agree with me....then don't! He's soooo awesome, and you can just SEE that he's gonna be around for a really really long time.

NE-YO: *tips hat at the new gentleman* Ne-yo said before his cd even dropped that it wouldn't be the same as his others, and he wasn't kidding. This man came HARD on all of the songs. They are heartfelt, beautifully written, wonderfully arranged, and all around straight musical. He has MUSIC yall!!!!! You don't really find that much anymore. The album words for it. It wasn't widely received by the general public....again because it's musical and society...they don't like music, but it was a complete and TOTAL breath of fresh air.

I gotta go home now, but I will finish this blog...if not today, then definitely tomorrow!

Do you and do you well!