Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Cool Hennesy Moment....

Lyric of the Day:
Your hands on my hips Pull me right back to you
I catch that thrust Give it right back to you
You're in so deep I'm breathin' for you
You grab my braids Arch my back high for you
Your diesel engine I'm squirting mad oil on
Down on the floor Til my speakers start to boil
I flip shit Quick slip Hip dip And I'm twisted
In your hands and your lips And your tongue tricks
And you're so thick
And you're so big
And you're so Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice
-Jill Scott

I want to lay....
I want to go to work all day, and then come home and lay.....with you.
I want to smell your day on your skin.
I want to kiss your neck and inhale the essence of you.
I want to turn off our phones and enjoy each other.
I want to get in the shower and wash away the worries of your day.
I want to lay you down and massage away the tensions that come along with being you.
I want to lotion you completely while you relax under the touch of my hands.
I want to take away every thought that is not of this moment with me and you.
I want to switch positions and let you massage me.
I want to be taken away by the feel of your hands on my body.
I want to tremble at your touch over and over again.
I want to feel the love and passion leave your hands and soak directly into my body.
I want to feel you.
I want to lay on my back and feel your hand, your mouth, your tongue explore every part of me.
I want to feel the heat being emitted from you.
I want to sense you longing to enter me, but holding back.
I want to feel your heart beating faster.
I want to feel my heart beating faster.
I want to feel an explosion rising inside of me.
I want to feel the euphoric feeling that only you can give.
I want to feel you find that spot.
I want to feel you finally allow me to reach that atmospheric explosion.
I want to come down only to feel you enter into the ecstasy that belongs to you.
I want to relax my body so that maximum penetration is achieved by you.
I want to contract my muscles around you so that you can feel my appreciation.
I want to wrap my arms around your back.
I want to pull you into me until we become one being.
I want to be in sync with you.
I want to reciprocate your every motion.
I want to react to you caressing new spots that I've never known.
I want to feel you breathe onto my neck.
I want to hear you exhale the musings of your soul.
I want to hear you tell me what you want.
I want to give that to you.
I want to feel you grind into me.
I want to feel you grind harder.
I want to feel you escape time and space.
I want to feel you explode.
I want to breathe you in.
I want to roll over and hold you.
I want to lay.....

Monday, November 10, 2008


Lyric of the Day:
I woke up in heaven today
She kissed me I floated away
Never felt anything so great
Alright now I brace myself for the fight
Something must go wrong cause it's way too right
I'm light as a feather tonight
Cuz I can't feel the ground
Someone let me down
I've never felt so high as I do now
It's too good to be true
I don't deserve you
I never felt the love strong enough to
Stop this world from spinning
What if I told you that you were my happy place? What if I said to you that there's nothing bad that I want to give to you because you are my getaway? What if I told you that hearing your voice makes it all better, that when I'm with you I don't even remember what I'm going through, that even when I'm away from you the thought of you makes me feel better? What if I told you that when I talk to you every single thing melts away? I feel like I'm free, or like I can fly. I try to hold on to every utterance that is exchanged, so that I can remember it later and smile.
What if I told you that you are my high? I breathe you in and hold you until the burn of our impending encounter makes me exhale. What if I told you that you were my drug of choice? The intoxicating aroma that exudes from you. The distinctive smell that only you posses. The way that I drift away when I inhale your brown goodness. My mind isn't in space or time when I wrap my lips around you. I live in habit here. I know what to give to get what I need from you. I know exactly how to roll you up and pull you to take me away.
What if I told you that you've never let me down when I needed you? When I wanted to cry you made me laugh. When I wanted to laugh you made me laugh harder. When I wanted to relax you soothed me. When I wanted to be numb you took away the pain and replaced it when the sensual, tingle that appears when every nerve in your body is awake. You are my happy place. I turn to you when no one else understands me. You help me to understand the thoughts that even I don't get sometimes. You wrap me in a feeling that doesn't release until I'm better. You touch me in places that no one has ever felt. You engulf me in the essence of everything that you are. Your purple goodness is intertwined with every fiber of my being. You are my happy place. You are what keeps me sane. You are the safe haven that I long for daily. You are what you've always been.
That thing.
That place.
That person.
That entity.
That you.
That me.
That us.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Only in a public bathroom...

Lyric of the day:
Sittin on the slopjaw waitin for my bowels to move.
*I gotta doo doo, I gotta gotta doo doo*
If I ain't gotta doo doo I shole got the slopjaw blues!

ONLY in a public bathroom does certain randomness happen. I went to the bathroom on the floor that I work on today. I don't know why I did it. I usually go to the one on the first floor of the building. Anyway...I walked in and this lady, whom I've always thought was a little weird, walked in right in front of me. Nothing major about the way we walked in the bathroom....then she gets her little sani-seat cover and goes in her stall. Then I hear....shouting....I don't know if she really was shouting or not, but there was a mighty uproar of the feet in that stall. My little weird self giggled, and whispered to myself "prais him then". In hind sight I figure she must have been in a tight. So moving forward.... then I hear her sit down and PRESS out a MAJOR fart!!! I mean MAAAAAAAAAAJOR!!!! She then whispered a little grunting noise, and said "scuse me". At this point I am RUNNING out of the stall that I was in....I don't want NO part in that! So whilst washing my hands I hear her grunt again and then BURST into a full solo of "Oh Lord of Lords how majestic is your name in all the Earth". WTF!?!?!?! Are you kidding me??? You've got to be kidding me!!! Yet a-gruntin and a-singing she goes and I am about to kill myself trying to dry my hands, run out of the bathroom, AND NOT BUST OUT LAUGHING!!!! I am spent!!! Where does this shit happen? Only in a place where I am the only soul there to witness it. *sighs* I REEEEEEAAAAALLLLYYY need a reality show!!! I don't know anyone else on earth that has more random happenings than me. If they could capture the lives of me and my friends on TV...that would be entertainment, drama, comedy....EVERYTHING you're looking for.


Until I sign my reality show contract....you do you and do you well!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Get The Hell Over It Already!!!!!

Have you ever met a person who just wouldn't get the fuck over it???
Whatever it may be....they just wouldn't let that shit go. They hold onto it, keep it in the fore-front of their mind, act like they're over it, but WILL NOT fail to find a way to mention the shit every now and again. Get the hell over it already!!!!

I won't sit and act like I don't have an issue or two or three(for that matter) that I hold onto.....but it's mostly love life shit. I hold onto loves of the past, and moments of the past. What I DON'T hold onto is negativity of the past. I have learned in my life that I don't really hold grudges. I think they take too much time and energy, because in that grudge you have to remember that you're mad, remember not to speak the persons name, remember not to talk to them or their friends....its just TOO damn much! *whoo sah*
I, like most people in the world, have had friends to treat me bad, turn their backs on me, talk about me, fuck me over...all that. Even with those friends I eventually say something to them, and eventually get over it because being mad just takes too much energy for me. See I figure that if you were once close to me that we share a certain bond, and that never dies, so.... But unlike lots of people, I have been extremely blessed to have some of the BEST ride or die(literally) friends that anyone could ever hope for. My friends are so amazing that people literally just want to be around them, and have nothing but good things to say about them....they're the greatest!!!
I, like LOTS of people, have not always been the best friend, however. I have had moments when the spoiled bitch in me decided that she didn't care about loyalty....and then I had to deal with the guilt that came along with that decision. I had to apologize for the wrong done. I had to live with that. I will say, however, that when I apologize for something you should RUN to the bank with it, because I sincerely mean that thang. Don't get me wrong...I don't think I've done anything COMPLETELY unforgivable, but I DO know that I have done some shit to some people that at the least made them re-evaluate me. I do hope on hope that in re-evaluating they saw that the good sincerely outweighed the bad.
Now that I've been transparent(so I won't offend anyone) I'm ready to get to the point. In the worst parts of my friendships I have had people to get mad at me or they're friends and never want to get over the shit, but then they can turn around and be some of the most unfriendly, standoff-ish, weirdest, unpleasant, self-inflicting/offlicting people on earth. I just wanna scream at them....GET THE HELL OVER IT ALREADY!!! I mean if you've wronged someone, and they've wronged you in return, but you've both decided to keep the shit moving the get the hell over it already. I mean how long can you actually hold on to stuff? Now I've never been a selfish person...spoiled yes...selfish no. I give what I can and can't to the people that I love who need it. I had a friend tell me that I was "the most inconsiderate, selfish son of a bitch" that she'd ever met. Yea the shit hurt, and I actually asked one of my other friends if the shit was true...just to be justified outside of what I thought of me. He told me no. His answer didn't undermine what she'd said...shit that's what she was feeling, but even in that I still talk to her. She's one of my folk. I fux heavily with her, because even past that she's a wonderful person(whether she wants to believe it or not). I love her to death. Now I'm not saying that just because I decided to keep it pushing past that instance that it's that simple....well it really kinda is. It's like this...did what they do or say make you never want to be in their presence again? Is what they did/said COMPLETELY unforgivable. Do they give you more reasons to NOT be there friend than they give reasons to be their friend? Is it worth it to be their friend?
It's really that simple. I mean...shit happens. Either get gone, or get the hell over it already.
You'd be soooo surprised how many stories I hear everyday where one person or another really should just get over it. I'm sick of it all. PEOPLE PLEASE JUST LET THE SHIT GO....especially if it was more than a year ago. Like who holds onto that shit??? That's just lame. If you think that people are intentionally hurting you, or will always hurt you then keep the shit pushing. Don't just sit there in it and make people deal with YOUR ornery ass. I'm sick of it. Maybe I should just start telling people(and myself) to GET THE HELL OVER IT. Here's a list of shit that I've heard about in the last couple of weeks that IIIIII believe that people should just get the hell over.

*disclaimer: this is stuff that I'VE personally experienced/been confronted with just THIS week. If your situation is listed, then I've probably already told you to get over it in some form or fashion. ALSO...all of this is Null and Void if you want to stay where you are. That's your business and if you like it, hell I love it. :) If you get offended...I sincerely apologize to you, but since this is my blog I can say what I want. Selah*

A dude/girl lied to you-
*either you're gonna keep dealing with him or you're not...its not hard at all. Make the necessary decision that works for you and then get the hell over it.

A dude/girl that you liked chose to like your friend-
*really nothing that you can do about this shit. I mean I'm sure the other person wasn't PERSONALLY attacking you by NOT liking you back. I mean, dude, you like who you like. In this same instance you're either gonna walk around mad a the dude/girl AND/OR your friend over some bullshit, or you're going to realize that THE WORLD IS NOT AGAINST YOU!!! No one is personally attacking you!!! It's not personal...it is what it is....enjoy the persons company and get the hell over it already!!!

A dude/girl fucked you and then didn't call-
*...no brainer. The shit happens. When you choose to screw random or not so random people and ya'll aren't together, that's the chance that you take. The truth of the matter is that no one is obligated to call after they get the dick/pussy. Essentially they got what the hell they wanted. If you can't deal with that reality then DON'T RANDOMLY FUCK!!! In this situation you HAVE TO just get the hell over it already!!!

You've been dealing with a girl/dude for years and he picks someone over you-
*Lord Jesus *sighs* this one is a little more personal for me, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't say the same damn thing to ME! GET THE HELL OVER THE SHIT AND MOVE THE FUCK ON OR STAY AND BE HAPPY WITH IT!!!! See when emotions are involved (man/woman emotions) in a situation it seems so much harder to let go than with just random people, and even friends. But real talk you'll only hurt yourself in the end. I mean either you're gonna get over the anger/hurt/weirdness(whatever you're feeling) for the dude/girl and keep "dealing" with him/her, or you're gonna cut him/her off and keep it pushing(as hard as it is), OR you're gonna deal with him/her and whoever else you wanna deal with also. See you have options that will help you get the hell over it already!

People treat someone you hang with better than they treat you-
*Very simple....first ask yourself how the hell have you been treating people. Is it possible...just possible that your ass is rude as hell!!!! You may just treat people like you don't want them around you, and because of that even if you're around they try to act like you're not there. Could that POSSIBLY be it??? People aren't always mean because they don't like you. Sometimes its just that YOU aren't that friendly. Seriously!!! Now sometimes people are nicer to people around you because they just don't like you...and to that you just have to say "SCREW YOU PAL" and keep that shit pushing. If someone has no reason to treat you sideways then pull them aside, send them and email, a text, or something to let them know how you feel. Real talk...if it's not someone that is important then get the hell over it already....it really ain't that serious.

People seem to only want one or two things from you-
*Very simple....if they don't appreciate you for who you are COMPLETELY, not just the parts that they need from you....kick them to the damn curb. You don't really want someone like that in your circle. If someone can put up with your bullshit and still be your friend then...they're a keeper. However, if someone acts up because you tell them no(to whatever request that they have) then keep it pushing WITHOUT THEM....or in other words....get the hell over them already!

The truth of the matter is that you know who you are or are not gonna deal with. If you know that you're gonna forgive them then why waste the time and effort to stay mad to make yourself feel better. I mean dude, you're either gonna cut them off or deal with them...it's that simple. Either way you go you still have/need to just get the hell over it already!

Debauchery, Carryin on, and History!!!!!

I took a blogging break on yesterday because I was just SOOOOOO full! I didn't have anything to say. There were no words to express how amazing it felt to actually SEE the first EVER African-American President elected in the United States of America!!!! *exhales*
We have a Black President....just gotta let that soak in for a minute.....

Okay I'm back. It is indeed an amazing feeling to see how far we've come as a nation. Even when people want to say that he's bi-racial...yeah he is, but when have you ever known a white person to look at a half white person and call them white....NOT NEVA!!!! But even if that is your pet peeve, guess what....MICHELLE IS COMPLETELY BLACK!!! Can we pause for a moment of silence for the lovely Michelle Obama....

Okay I'm back. I'm so excited....I am just overwhelmed with excitement!!!!

No complaints today....none needed!

Monday, November 3, 2008

These Arms of Mine

Lyric of the day pt. 2: These arms of mine, they are burning,Burning from wanting you.These arms of mine, they are wanting,Wanting to hold you. -Otis Redding

If you know me, then you know that I've always been a HUGE fan of music...particularly from the 50's and 60's. To understand the Heartsongs of a Churchgirl, you have to understand the music and the people that contribute to those songs.

Since I was little I've always loved the melodies of songs from the 50's and 60's. Their songs just always seemed to have so much more substance. Even if they weren't saying anything SUPER deep they said it in a way that could draw you in and make you believe in whatever they were talking about. They were passionate about the artistry of music. They didn't sing random shit just to make it to the top of the Billboards. Their love songs had a deeper meaning. Much deeper than the "I love you, let's fuck" music that we have now. Their love music had a way of actually making you fall in love with whomever you wished in that moment. It was soul. It was sincere Rhythm and Blues. It was sincere.....

One of my favorite Uncles was in his Teen/Early 20's during this time. We would always talk about the music from back then, because the songs that I had just "found" were the songs that he grew up on. It became a ritual for me to find an old song, mostly Jackie Wilson(both his and my fav) and Otis Redding, and tell him about it and then he tell me what was going on in his life when that song came out. It always amazed me that me humming a little piece of "Lonely Teardrops"(Jackie) or "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay"(Otis) could make him recall FULL detailed memories....the power of music is amazing! We would talk and talk about what I liked about the songs. How the excitement in Jackie's voice was something to be imitated, and the passion in Otis' voice made you wanna cry. That was our place. That's where we connected. That's what we shared.
When my uncle got killed last year I tried to explain this bond to one of my friends and he just couldn't understand how something so small could extract such powerful emotion. All I could tell him was "that was our special place". A couple of months ago I was feeling nostalgic and decided to listen to ALL the Otis Redding songs I could find. I came across a song called "These Arms of Mine" and thought that my heart would break. But in that sad moment a smile spread across my face. I began to smile because listening to the words of this song I KNEW that my Uncle had made a few girls fall in love with him to this song, lol. It was at that moment that I felt the connection again. See, when he died I just KNEW that I'd never connect to him in this way ever again. I got so happy at that moment...it was almost as if he was standing by me with those loving eyes letting me know that he was still with me. That feeling was indescribable. There was in immense joy in the midst of sadness. I cried because I missed, and I smiled because I was glad that I'd been able to share that with him. Just him and me.

To this day I can't listen to that song without tearing up. I even asked my mom about it. When I said the name of the song she burst into a FULL solo, and began to re-live the house party that my Grandparents let my Uncle have and how he let her come out of the room to dance with him...on that song. When she said it I just started laughing.... It was almost like I felt my Uncle sitting up there laughing and saying "See Cuz I'm still witcha".

So as I sit at my desk, yes I'm crying but its okay, I can relate to the lyrics of this song....but in a different way "These arms of mine, they are wanting,Wanting to hold you". Like everyone who's lost someone close I wish that I could talk to him again. I wish that I could see his face again. I wish I could hear him laugh again. I want to see him walk through Grandma's front door carrying soda's, smiling, laughing out a "Hey!!! There's my favorite Cuz". I want to talk to him about this song and hear his perspective on what was going on in his world when this song premiered. I want hug him, and smell the mill on his clothes. I want to see him pull up in the lil red truck with some sort of animal on the back from his hunting trips. I want to see my buddy, my dad figure, my special connection, my friend, MY UNCLE.

I don't want to think about him and my eyes fill with tears. I don't want to have to visit a cemetary and talk to the hollow shell of what was once FULL of life. I don't want to believe someone would kill MY Uncle over something that was so far removed from him. I don't want to know that at every family gathering he won't be there, and there will ALWAYS be something missing. I don't want to believe that he was taken too soon. I don't want to think about the fact that I lost my 50's music buddy, and now its just me to appreciate it.

I want to smile again....
I want to be happy....
I know he wouldn't want us doing this, so I'll keep pressing to remember everything that he was, is, and will always be....My Big Cuz!

God Bless the Broken Road

Song of the day:
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road.
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
[Chorus:]Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
[Chorus:]Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rollin' home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
-Rascal Flatts
If every long lost dream does indeed lead me to where "you" are then I am promised to the best "you" ever. I believe that God does bless the roads we travel on in life to lead us exactly where we need to go....be it to that "you" that everyone is looking for, or not. I want to believe that God has a bigger plan to lead all of us to our own individual "you's", but then you have to get into the perfect and permissive wills of God and that's just TOO much to think about so early in the morning. So I will live in my fairytale and dream dreams of the PERFECT "you". *sighs*
We like to believe that the ones that broke our hearts are the worst people on earth. We want to think that they are scum, and that they have no heart, and that they are selfish immature bastards because they didn't follow the plan that we'd set out....we being both partners or just one partner who hopes that the other participates. I've been there. I've thought it. I've believed it....but its not all completely true. See, I did everything I thought I was supposed to do for the "you" that I thought belonged to me....didn't work. So when it ended...per se...I cried, and died, and tried to figure out "how could he do this to me?" I mean it was a valid question at the time, but when I think back there was so much I could have done....not for him, but for me. Had I made MYSELF happy in the situation he would have gotten to meet ME, and not the person I was portraying...the person I thought he wanted to see. Had I let him meet ME it wouldn't have been such a blow if he did decide to leave, because I wouldn't have had to continuously go over all of the details of everything IIIII had done wrong. I mean don't get me wrong, he was a dog ass muthafucka, but I decided not to pay attention to those details. I looked at how he made me feel, the voids that he filled, the way he talked to me, the way he touched me....all very shallow things, and you KNOW you can't build a home on an unstable foundation. *lightbulb moment*
So....I like to believe that the one that broke my heart is the northern star that's leading me to where my "you" is. You ever notice how when there's road work and you have to detour you always get something out of it? You either learn a new way to get to the places you were meant to be, or you see something (like an I pooted. billboard) that just makes your day a little better, OR you are kept from the life altering accident that COULD have happened? I like to believe he was the big flashing detour sign that sent me ALL around the direction that I thought I needed to go in. Sometimes I want to say he WAS the big accident that I should have gone around, but I can't. It's kinda like when you are leisurely(sp?) going somewhere and you have to detour....you don't really wanna do it, but it also doesn't really bother you that much. It's in that time that you get to sit and listen to the radio, hear a new song, laugh at people in traffic, talk to someone you have spoken to in a while....something. It's something that happened that I didn't want to, but it was also that thing that made me just a little bit better. It gave me a little more information. I learned the song that my heart had been TRYING to get out. It was the best detour I could have imagined, because now that I've learned that lesson I KNOW that I'm being pointed in the right direction. I learned enough about me that I don't have to do the "what if" song and dance even if the next relationship doesn't work. I'm going forward with my eyes wide open. The road(or heart) has been broken, cracked, curved, and blocked but it was all for a purpose.....it's ALL part of a grander plan that is coming true!
So now I'm just waiting to roll on into my love's arms.... :-)

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Oh Happy Day!!!

Lyric of the Day: It's a great day to be alive. I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes. There's some hard times in the neighborhood, but why can't everyday be just this good?
-Travis Tritt

Standing at the edge of the most important election in American history....literally. Living in the midst of the worst financial crisis....EVER. Struggling JUST to make ends at LEAST come close enough to catch a glimpse of each other. Working for waaaaaaaay less than I'm worth....
Looking at all of the realities of my life I can still say that today was indeed a wonderful day!!!!
Have you ever had a day that was good just because? Like....you don't really do anything special. You don't really go anywhere special. You're just in a good mood! It's a beautiful day outside, the sun is shining, and you just feel good! That was my day today. I had a great night with a old new friend(I guess that what I'll call him today).....go figure. Wonderful good ole country conversation with him and my roommate. I woke up when my body decided to wake up. Went grocery shopping with my momma. Watched some WONDERFUL movies. That's it....that's pretty much all I did....ALL DAY! Sometimes the mental breaks are the best moments in life. I didn't have to live the facade that most people have to live everyday. I didn't have to be too city-fied like you sometimes have to be here. I didn't have to be politically correct. I was free to just be good ole me! I've been in a great mood ALL day!
So I may not have much to speak about today, but am happy so that's cool with me!!!