These flaws I got They're a part of who I am
Take me or not But I finally understand
And I’m so done trying to be everything you want
I had to stop 'Cause baby you ain’t worth it
If I've got to camouflage
For love, for love
-Brandy (Human-Camouflage 2008)
It's so funny to me how people really do affect what you say and do. Even if you just think about it momentarily, you've been effected. I am amazed at how this blog, which was first meant to be an outlet for my many many many thoughts, has become my new bondage. I feel like I can't really be honest about what I feel here, because people will still read it, and eventually comment about what I've said. Clearly if I wanted your verbal commentary I wouldn't have wasted my time, and my 50+ wpm to write it. This is my place. My outlet. Yes I am very blunt...when asked, and unemotional about a lot of things but sometimes I need to just let shit out too. That doesn't change my perspective on anything, it just makes me pause to make sure that I gave advise in the right way. I am a woman. We do get emotional, we do have bad days, we do love hard, we do get hurt(more often than not actually), and we do keep it pushing. Basically if you are coming here just to see if I'm going to say something about you then please feel free to not come here ever again. If you are coming here so that you're able to throw this shit up in my face later, then PLEASE feel free to permanently remove my blog address from you memory. I wanna say what I have to say. Sometimes I don't want to be grammatically correct, and sometimes I DO wanna talk about the fact that have loved a bullshit ass nigga, yes I said it BULLSHIT ASS NIGGA, and I can because it's my blog. If you know me personally treat this as if this really is someone you've never met, comment in the box, and we'll keep it pushing from there. This is my outlet, and I don't want to be confined here. There is absolutely no point in that.
Now that I've gotten that off of my chest.....
It's weird how people do honestly expect people to give/show love in the same way that they do. I know I'm guilty of it, and most people I know are guilty of it. However, there are just some things you do because its just common fuckin courtesy. If we are cool and I ask you to do something and you say no, then cool, but PULEEZE don't give me a bullshit ass reason that you didn't and then be rude to me if I call you on it. It's bullshit!!! Trying to turn it around on me won't make it not be bullshit. I take responsibility for my stupid decisions, and will let you have the fact that I make stupid decisions OFTEN in different parts of my life. I'm just saying what's the point of a friendship if I can only rely on you when I'm crying? That's just dumb. Shit...I want a friend when I'm happy too! I want a friend that celebrates me. I want a friend who I don't have to ALWAYS assume the worst about. I want to know that you do honestly care about me. I want a friend who won't make me feel like less of a person. I want a friend who actually HAS friends, and not just homeboys, homegirls, and folk!!! What the fuck is that? Could it be that yoy don't have friends because you don't know how to be friends. It's easy....just be NICE! I won't change me. I'm a pretty good person, flawed...yes, but pretty good. It's just in me to give to people. Give of myself, of my time, of my heart, of my talents, and of my money when I got it like that. I will not camouflage me. But I guess this just goes to show that I am your friend, but you CLEEEAAARLY are not mine. Cool....get some and keep it pushin.
Okay I'm better now.
This ain't a deep blog, but it is how I was feeling.