Friday, December 12, 2008

Just Fall....well....Maybe 8-/

It's not easy giving up trust
And not be scared a little bit?
Then your heart is questioning if you could really handle it
Don't wanna fall alone
So, will you catch me?
Save me?
And tell me I'll be safe right here
And if are you the one that's scared
So, baby come and fall right here
Just fall
-Brandy (Human:Fall)
What happens when your present reality is not real at all? What happens if what you taste, see, touch, FEEL is not real at all??? What happens then? Is it fair to tell someone that something that is SOOOO good to them is really bad? I don't think so.....but I just don't know.
Someone told me a story once about a girl who was completely in a relationship with this guy. He was everything that she wanted and needed. He was always there for her, and came whenever she called. Then....she found out that he had a GIRLFRIEND....*faints*....but mostly because him and they other girl had been together for so long. You see, from all points of her(as well as some of her friends) he love her. He really did love her. So she decided to stay. Who are we to condemn her for making a decision that works for her. If he is everything that she needs then who's to say that her reality is not really real? Again, if you can touch it, taste it, smell it, feel it, and CALL it(and it answers) then that's real for her.....right?
I had one of those not reality real moments this week. I got to spend some time with this guy that I kinda like. It's nothing major, but he's a cool dude. Because this was my birthday week I was in a pretty good mood, right until I went to work and they told me that I had to re-apply for my fucking job....but selah. So went to see my friend, just to spend some time. Normally we laugh, and joke, and watch TV, or drink or just do some ole random shit. This time we just layed. I wasn't in the best mood, I mean I did get partially fired, so I just played my NEW BRANDY CD for him. Sidenote: BRANDY IS A-FREAKIN-MAZING!!!! Back to the subject. So he's a pretty touchy-feely kind of a guy and that's part of what I like about him. Because I've known this guy for a little minute, even before we started kickin it, he automatically knew something was wrong with me. He pushed and pushed and pushed for answers but I didn't really feel like talking about it. So he told me to give him a hug. Now because I was laying on the sofa I just kinda half heartedly reached my arms out. He then came across the sofa and gently laid his head in the area between my breast and my neck, wrapped his arms around my body, and began to tell me that everything would be okay. I mean this was a VERY TV moment. As we laid there entangled together I began to breathe him in. This moment was so amazing. No distractions, no TV, no word needed, no thoughts of anyone else, just us. BUT....because I am who I am I couldn't fully take this in. The moment was everything I've ever wanted. This moment was the moment I see in my head when I think about my bf/husband....an intimate moment just for us. But in that I just couldn't get my mind to just be still and fully enjoy it. Because I always feel a need to protect myself I kept reminding myself that this person doesn't belong to me, that this moment is only gonna last for a minute and may never happen again...because he's not mine. So as I laid there, loving and hating the moment, I decided to just let it all go. At that moment that situation was my reality. What I felt was real, what I touched was real, what I smelled was real....it was a real moment....and I gave in to it. I laid there and held that man, and he held me. I kissed him like we would be together forever. I let him breathe me in, and enjoy the comfort of my arms. I was happy in that reality...

1 comment:

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

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